EMDR, or Eye-Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is a unique type of therapy. I’ll encourage you to check out other blogs to get more information about how it can be different, as the differences in EMDR are not the main focus of this blog. Instead, I want to give you all some insight into what my experience in doing my own EMDR processing has been like, to give you an idea of what you *might* expect. Because this process can be so different than what may be typically expected in therapy, I often find my clients to be confused or even scared of the process. I’m hoping that this can dissipate some of your fears, maybe answer some of the questions you have, or just give you a sense of what could be expected in treatment. Of course, you should all be aware that everyone’s experiences may be different, this is just to provide my own experience with the hopes that it’ll help you!
My journey with EMDR started when I was receiving training through EMDRIA.
This was a 2-part training- both halves were 3 days long and the second part of the training was completed one month following the first. Part of the learning process is to learn in a lecture setting and then practice in triads. I was paired up with 2 other clinicians who were at the training, learning EMDR just as I was. We all took turns being the clinician, the client, and the observer. When it was my turn to be the client, the member of my group acting as my clinician, walked me briefly through the initial process. We created our containers and peaceful inner places and tapped those in. I enjoyed those experiences and found them to be helpful in that moment. I’ll admit, while the information I was learning was very cool, I wasn’t blown away just yet.
It wasn’t until we got to the conversation exploring the problem and identifying the belief that I started uncovering a lot more information than I expected. For the training, we were all instructed to bring in a small problem to work on. We didn’t want to work on anything too, too serious, as this was a training and, while there were experienced clinicians nearby to help, the members of my group were just learning EMDR for the first time, just like I was. Now, I had been in therapy for about 18 months at that point with a trauma therapist that I enjoyed and worked well with. As my group and I pieced together some of my childhood memories, using the EMDR techniques we had all just learned. I discovered more about the roots of the trauma I experienced that leads to regular emotional dysregulation even today.
I learned more about myself in 20-30 minutes than I did in my 18 months of individual therapy.
I was absolutely blown away by this information. I mean, I’m a therapist and I had no clue all this stuff lurking underneath. Not going to lie- I had some big feelings following the first part of the training. For one, I was frustrated, I mean, I was in therapy for a year and a half and we never got this deep. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed my therapist and got a lot out of therapy with her. I just never understood the thread that connected my dysregulation, what was at the root of my problems. There was some uneasiness about what I had learned about myself- some anger from past transgressions and hurts, confusion about what to do next, sadness and grief for what I had gone through. I felt emotionally ‘off’ for a few days following the first part of this training- there was a lot of information to sift through and I was not expecting this much to be uncovered. I found myself being quite introspective, which is unusual for me. This was definitely the time to really, really focus on self-care after those first few days of that training and rely on those closest to me for additional support.
I will say, though, after I sifted through those initial big feelings another part of me emerged. For the first time, I felt like I could truly validate myself. After identifying the belief associated with the problem I brought in, I started seeing themes of that belief in so many facets of my life. It started to make so much sense that I felt such hurt when my friend made a passing comment, or that I’d get so angry getting cut off on the highway. It finally made sense why I feel the way I do! I mean, I can trace these moments of dysregulation back to my childhood where I learned this belief about myself. I couldn’t fault baby Maria for having developed that belief, she was just a kid. So how could I blame my adult self for continuing to believe it and still feeling it today? It’s not like at 18 I could just snap my fingers and stop believing it. I never knew it existed and I can’t be expected to solve a problem I didn’t know was even there. My brain was doing what it was meant to do and I didn’t have the knowledge or tools to help it heal yet, so of course it didn’t!
Even before processing this belief, I felt myself starting to heal from it, which was incredibly cool to experience.
After the initial 3 days of training concluded, I talked this belief over with a few different trusted individuals and they helped continue validating me, helping me piece apart other areas of my life where this belief came up. I was so intrigued about this process and started using my DBT skills, as I’m a DBT clinician primarily, to analyze my behavior and identify other areas of dysregulation. This helped me piece apart what other beliefs might be at play, giving me more information about what was going on within me so I can start to address these concerns. I was happy to learn that I could apply my DBT skills to this process and they helped tremendously. This was the very start of my journey with EMDR and, if I’m being honest with you, I was hooked.
I’m excited to continue sharing about my EMDR journey with you. I don’t know that I’ll always be comfortable giving specifics, as all this is of course very personal, but I will give you an honest depiction of my experiences- the triumphs and the hardships. I hope you find this to be helpful, informative, or even just entertaining. Thank you for coming along this journey with me!
If you are interested in starting your EMDR journey, consider scheduling with a therapist at CCDBT. We’d love to go more in-depth with this skill and many more like it!
About the Author
Maria Mangione (she/her), M.A., LPCC-S is a licensed clinical counselor who specializes in dialectical behavior therapy. Maria works to help people develop the tools they need to develop trust in themselves and build their life worth living. She believes in having meaningful connections with her clients and believes that therapy and healing can be fun. Click Here to learn more about Maria’s experience and therapeutic style.