Lonely, but not Alone

It’s kind of wild to consider that we have access to so many more people through technology these days. It wasn’t that long ago I had to call my friends past a certain time because that’s when the minutes were free on my family’s phone plan. Or, before having my own cell phone, how I had to convince my parents to let me call my cousin, who lived across the country, due to the cost of long-distance calls and our propensity to talk incessantly. And that’s leaps and bounds more communicative than my parent’s generation when they’d have to mail letters to family members or wait until the next school day to talk to their friends. Now, I can reach people across the globe instantly and all at my fingertips! Paradoxically, though, as technology has made it easier to reach and communicate, it seems as though it’s taking a toll on our mental health as a society. Loneliness is such a deeply felt human emotion that each of us has experienced throughout our lives. It’s a sign that our social needs are not being met. I hope to provide more information on loneliness and what you can do to help yourself.

Understanding Loneliness

Loneliness is more than just being physically alone. It’s a complex emotion in which a person feels disconnected and/or isolated from others. Someone can be in a room full of people, and if they don’t feel connected to those people, they can feel lonely. Anxiety, depression, relationship conflicts, insecurities, etc. can all contribute to feeling lonely. Feeling lonely can impact our mental health (increased stress, anxiety, and depression for example) as well as our physical health (weakened immune system and chronic diseases).  Often times, people may try to cope with loneliness through ineffective or unhealthy means such as substance use, staying in toxic relationships, self-harm, etc.

Coping with Loneliness

Here are some strategies to help cope with loneliness in healthier, more effective ways:

1. Reach Out– take initiative and call or text a family member or friend. If you can’t think of who you’d want to reach out to, spend some time thinking about a time you weren’t lonely, maybe high school, college, last week at work, whenever! Consider who was there, who made you feel connected, who made you smile, etc. and text them! Share how you’re feeling with them, I wouldn’t be surprised if they can empathize, staying connected these days is hard for so many people!
2. Join Communities– Consider your interests and hobbies and find ways to get involved. Join a club, team, or even a Facebook group! You can even volunteer somewhere!
3. Explore Something New– Step outside of your comfort zone and try something new. Download an app like Eventbrite or Meetup to find events, activities, or gatherings near you! Scroll through the app until you find something you might like and commit to going to it. You never know who you’ll meet or what you might enjoy!
4. Get a Pet– okay, only do this one after a lot of thought, pets are a serious responsibility and you definitely want to make sure you have the time, energy, space, and resources to care for a pet properly. Now that that disclaimer is out of the way- nothing helps combat loneliness quite like coming home to a dog who is just so heckin’ excited to see you. Or a cat who trusts you, and only you, to pet just the right spot behind their ears. Plus, there are so many opportunities for connection with pets, even beyond your relationship with them! Taking your dog for a walk gets you out of the house and can give you a chance to connect briefly with strangers who say hi, ask to pet your dog, or even just smile at you and your dog. Regardless of the type of pet, having a pet can give you so many things to talk about with strangers, coworkers, or friends as well. I don’t know about you, but I will always be down to see a picture of someone’s dog, cat, hamster, gold fish, whatever! And, it’ll always make my day! 
5. Find small moments of connection– I recognize that this is not quite a fix for all circumstances AND it can help feel more connected. When you’re out and about grocery shopping, getting coffee, taking a walk outside, find something you like about someone and compliment them on it. It doesn’t have to be an extravagant conversation, but just a brief moment to connect with someone can go a long way. 
6. Seek Professional Help– come hang out with me, any of my coworkers, or literally any mental health professional if you experience loneliness. A mental health professional can help you get down to the nitty gritty of why you feel this way and help your find ways to cope that are more specifically tailored to you and your situation. 

In conclusion

Learning how to cope with loneliness can be a struggle. Considering how busy life is, how technology has changed communication, even how much the world has changed, especially since COVID, more and more people are dealing with loneliness. Ironically enough, if you’re experiencing loneliness, you’re not alone! By reaching out, stepping outside your comfort zone, and practicing self-care and self-compassion, this is something you can work through and it’s not something you have to do alone. Please reach out if you need assistance, there’s hope and support available for you. 

If you want more help with skills like this, join our skills training groups or schedule with a therapist at CCDBT. We’d love to go more in-depth with this skill and many more like it!

About the Author

Maria Mangione (she/her), M.A., LPCC-S is a licensed clinical counselor who specializes in dialectical behavior therapy. She works to help people develop the tools they need to develop trust in themselves and build their life worth living. Maria believes in having meaningful connections with her clients and believes that therapy and healing can be fun. Click Here to learn more about Maria’s experience and therapeutic style.