Dialectics are a huge part of what makes DBT effective and different from other types of therapy. It’s so important that it is a part of the name of the therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy. The term “dialectical” refers to the synthesis or integration of opposites. Essentially being able to recognize that there are opposing ideas in the world and understand that both are true and valid. Dialectics is often referred to as the middle path because of this. One of my favorite dialectics is that things can be both salty and sweet.
Using dialectics can lead to healthier and more adaptive ways of thinking and behaving. Dialectics can help decrease reactivity and be more calm. They can help improve your ability to accept and increase confidence in your ability to cope. Dialectics can increase resiliency and help you be more adaptive to stressors in life. They can also help to improve the quality of your relationships due to being more understanding of other perspectives. Here are the core ideas that dialectics remind us of and ways to think and act more dialectically.
“The universe is filled with opposing sides/forces”
There is always more than one way to look at a situation. DBT doesn’t use absolute language often so when it does, we really mean it. It is pretty much impossible to understand one side of a situation without looking at the other side. When we don’t look at all sides, we can get stuck in ineffective thinking or behavior patterns.
To incorporate this idea:
- Look at all the sides of a situation. The saying goes, “There’s 3 sides to every story: your side, my side, and the truth”.
- Move from using absolute or extreme language, shifting from “but” to “and”. Using “but” in a sentence invalidates the first half of that sentence, for example “I love you but, you make me so irritated” becomes “I love you and sometimes I get irritated by what you’re doing.”
- Try making lemonade out of lemons. Make the best out of a difficult situation.
“Everything and every person is connected in some way”
This is the DBT equivalent of 6 degrees of separation. We are all human which connects us and we are connected to plants and animals since we all live on this planet. Sometimes when life is extremely difficult and it feels like you’re not connected to anyone, this helps remind us that we’re still connected to people and the world. This dialectic is also helpful when dealing with people with different or opposing opinions to your own.
To incorporate this idea:
- Treat others the way you want to be treated. Put out the energy that you want to receive back.
- Look for similarities instead of differences. We have more similarities than we do differences and focusing on those can help us better understand each other.
“Change is the only constant”
Time never stops and unfortunately, we haven’t developed time machines yet. Each day is new and changes with each moment. This isn’t saying that you have to like change. The only person who likes change is a baby in a dirty diaper. This dialectic is that if things are really difficult now, they won’t always be like that. Sometimes change is really fast and takes us by surprise and other times it is slow and less noticeable.
To incorporate this idea:
- Practice getting used to change by making small changes: take a different route to work, do a different order to your morning routine, or sit in a different seat.
- Radically accept that things will change whether we like it or not
“Change is transactional”
What we do influences our environment and it has an influence on us. We have an impact on the world by simply living, even if we aren’t aware of it. We interact with countless people everyday and we don’t always know how those interactions will impact others. This dialectic is similar to reciprocity, what you put into the world, you hope to receive back when you need it.
To incorporate this idea:
- Let go of blame and non-judgmentally describe the situation
- Everything has a cause and looking to see what causes behavior and reminding ourselves of that can help us to be more dialectical
By incorporating more dialectics, you can change your thinking patterns which better helps you regulate your emotions and increase your understanding of yourself and others. It isn’t always easy to be dialectical and there will likely be times when you won’t want to look at another perspective. It is in those moments when you don’t want to be dialectical and you are anyway, that you’ll have fully adopted dialectical thinking.
About the Author
Robyn Williams (she/her), M.A., LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor who specializes in dialectical behavior therapy. Robyn works with teens and adults in a compassionate judgment-free manner to meet clients where they are in life. Robyn helps her clients develop the tools they need in order to live their life worth living, and find what means most to them. Robyn believes that while therapy can be intimidating at times, it can be a conduit for personal growth. Click here to learn more about Robyn’s experience and therapeutic approach